When to Seek Therapy

While I was in graduate school, I went through a stressful time and seriously considered quitting my PhD program. There were uneven power differentials to navigate and passive-aggressive jabs taken at me that I needed to manoeuvre out of. At the time it felt like my career could be ended before it even started, and I wondered if this path was worth it.

To add to all of this, I had just gotten married the year prior and lived in a joint-family situation. Suffice to say, there was a lot I was juggling. 

I remember one particular morning when I had to catch the public transit bus to travel two hours to another city as part of one of two concurrent graduate diplomas I was doing along with my doctoral degree (yes, I like to overload myself). I blew up at my husband that day. I forget why.

But that was the tipping point for me. I sat on that long bus ride and thought about how this wasn’t me, and this wasn’t my relationship with my husband. I vowed that I wasn’t going to let the stress of school leak into my marriage, especially as it was still so new. I sought Allah’s guidance and decided to seek help from campus counselling services. 

When to seek therapy is a deeply personal and multi-layered decision. In cases of mental illness and serious psychological distress, seeking emergency services and getting the right psychiatric care is paramount. But for this blog, we’re talking about the decision to seek counselling in circumstances that are not as acute and will cover some major pathways people take to seek therapy. 

1. You (or others) notice that you are not yourself 

As our Beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of God be upon him) told us, “The believer is a mirror to his brother.” [al-Adab al-Mufrad 239]

While we may notice that something doesn’t feel right, sometimes it’s hard for us to see changes in our mood or behaviour. The closest people in our lives can serve as mirrors to our souls and offer us a much-needed check. Sometimes when we’re stressed or overwhelmed, it’s the people closest to us that bear the brunt of it. We may notice that we’re taking our frustration out on our spouse, parents, or oftentimes, those most vulnerable, such as our children, younger siblings, or elders.

When this occurs over a prolonged period, our loved ones may shine a light on our behaviour and confront us about how we have been treating them. Sometimes, we come to that realization ourselves when we see we aren’t able to emotionally regulate as we used to, cope as effectively as we’d like, or haven’t been able to be present in our lives the way we wanted to. This may or may not involve close loved ones. Sometimes, we may notice that we aren’t able to perform at school or at work in the way we want to. We may lose our drive or motivation to do the things we used to enjoy or take pride in. For some, this disconnect between who we used to be (or know we can be) and who we are currently, can provide the impetus to seek help. 

2. You experience a loss

Sometimes our realization that we may need to seek help comes after a loss or event, such as losing our jobs or experiencing a relationship break-up. These moments can act as catalysts and force us to redirect our lives. While we grieve the loss, we may recognize the role we played in the job loss or breakup and want to smooth those rough edges in ourselves. Loss is an inevitable part of life, and the ways in which we meet these challenges can say a lot about our ability to cope and persevere. Therapy can help us develop these coping skills, deal more effectively with the stress of the loss, and guide us to a path of self-growth so we’re ready to take on the next challenge, in shaa' Allah. 

Sometimes in life, we are hit with loss on a greater scale, such as an accident, near-death experience, severe illness, divorce, or the death of a loved one. As Muslims, we know that anything that befalls a believer has khayr (good) in it as it comes from our Lord but sometimes we are weary with grief and struggle to find the light amid the darkness. Seeking means to grieve these losses in a way that helps us maintain our mental and spiritual health can be one reason we reach out for support. 

3. You want to gain insight into yourself and grow as a person

Sometimes it isn’t an emotional crisis or a difficult event that provides the impetus to seek care. We may get to a point of life, perhaps a place of greater maturity and introspection, where we want to actively invest our heart, soul, and time into self-growth. We may proactively seek this type of personal development in anticipation of marriage or after we have grieved a loss, looking forward to a new chapter in our lives. Wanting to grow, forgive past hurts, or heal old wounds may also drive us to seek therapy with the intention of self-growth. 

Regardless of what brings us into therapy, gaining greater insight into ourselves, self-growth, and wisdom are oftentimes the jewels we come away with on a healthy healing journey.

If you're considering exploring therapy but unsure where to start, schedule a free 15-minute introductory call with one of Ruh Care's therapists to discuss your options.

Ya Jabbar (O Mender and Restorer), soothe our brokenness and grant us healing. 

‍